Building Trust in Relocation

I have recently been quite involved in a project to "build trust" or re-build it, and today I would like to share some of my findings. Business, well good business, is all about trust. For example, if you can build good trust pricing doesn't become the priority in the business conversation. For these kinds of reasons this has been a really useful exercise for me.

WHAT IS TRUST?
- Although trust sometimes seems invisible, it is the result of continuous attentiveness and activity.
- Trust is not a medium or glue that holds relationships and societies together, it is not a lubricant, it is not an atmosphere, nor is it “stuff”.
- Trust is dynamic; it involves personal responsibility, commitment and change
- Trust is social practice; it is not a set of beliefs. It is not just a matter of individual psychology or attitude
- Thinking and talking about trust will not only influence our beliefs, but will also change our behavior in the world and with one another
- Breaches of trust do not mark the end of trust, but are part of the process of trusting
- Trust is not only earned, it must be given. ie. It is not just about trustworthiness and who can be trusted.
- Trust is a matter of reciprocal relationships, not of prediction, risk and reliance
- Trust is transformative. It is not a matter of trusting or being trusted so much as it is a matter of changing each other and the relationship through trust.
- Trust is a matter of making and keeping commitments and the problem of trust is not loss of confidence, but the failure to cultivate commitment making.
- Trust is a matter of mood and emotional skills; a function of the imagination as well as the product of negotiation and understanding.
- Moods and emotions are engagements in the world, not just feelings. Trust is therefore not a feeling.
- Our emotional practices can change and be cultivated. We can (and must) learn to trust.
- Trust involves sincerity, authenticity, integrity, virtue and honor (a matter of ethics).
- The worst enemies of trust are cynicism, selfishness and a naive conception of life in which one expects more than one is willing to give.
- Trust goes hand in hand with truth. Lying is always a breach of trust.
- Authentic trust can never be taken for granted, but must be continuously cultivated through commitments and truthfulness.
- Competence is the ability to perform as expected, according to standards appropriate to the role or the task in question. To trust people involves, amongst other things, assessing the level of competence.
- Trusting is a decision (or a sequence of decisions) that opens up the world for us, builds and deepens our relationships and creates new possibilities.

TYPES OF TRUST
SIMPLE TRUST: The trust that infants have for their primary caretakers. Trust that is taken for granted or assumed. It cannot be recovered if it is lost.

BLIND TRUST: Is denial. Evidence for distrust has been presented, but it is denied. With blind trust one sees but refuses to see. Blind trust always has an element of self-deception, or at the least the will to be self-deceived.

CONDITIONAL TRUST: Trust is conditional, focused and limited. To recognize these limits is part of authentic trusting. Eg. You trust your dentist to fix your teeth, but not to look after your house.

AUTHENTIC TRUST: Trust need neither be blind nor simple. Simple trust is unreflective. Blind trust is self-deceptive. Authentic trust is both reflective and honest with itself and others. All forms of trust involve counting on other people and as such they are vulnerable to betrayal. All trust involves vulnerability and risk and nothing would count as trust if there were no possibility of betrayal. However, betrayal is not surprising or devastating to authentic trust. Authentic trust is trust that is well aware of the risks, dangers and liabilities of trust, but maintains the self-confidence to trust nevertheless. Authentic trust, like true love and genuine faith, is possible only in the light of a breakdown in trust. One cannot authentically trust unless one has experienced disappointment, loss or betrayal.

AUTHENTIC TRUST
Authentic trust is self-scrutiny, caring about the long-term relationship and not just the outcome, negotiation and mutual understanding, a willingness to make and stand by one’s own commitments, a keen awareness of the risks and liabilities and the recognition that taking on these risks and liabilities is above all one’s own responsibility.